Friendship that's like home
by Semmel
Summary: Lying is hard. Especially if you're an honest person. It is even harder though, when you're lying to your best friends." A revelation in MWPP's second year. Remus-centered. (Rewritten)


AN1: I wanted to edit this ages ago but only now got to it. Especially Peter's part was rewritten. Minor correction in the other parts.  
  
Title: Friendship - that's like home.  
  
Author: Semmel  
  
Rating: PG 13, a swear word  
  
Genre: angst/suspense  
  
Summary: "Lying is hard. Especially if you're an honest person. It is even harder though, when you're lying to your best friends." A revelation in MWPP's second year. Remus-centered. (Rewritten)  
  
Disclaimer: I make no money out of writing this, since the Harry Potter universe belongs to the  
wonderful J. K. Rowling. Kurt Tucholsky belongs to himself.  
  
A/N2: Not to let any confusion come up. Sometimes two people describe the same things from different perspectives. I tried to write it as clearly as possible, so you should be able to find out when this happens.  
  
~ Friendship - that's like home. ~  
  
Kurt Tucholsky  
  
Remus:  
  
Lying is hard. Especially if you're an honest person. It is even harder though, when you're lying to your best friends. I've been kidding myself thinking they'd never find out. No one is that dumb! Frankly, James and Sirius are the exact opposite. I'd never tell them, of course. Especially Sirius' ego doesn't need any stroking. His head would probably burst! I catch myself smiling. They are the greatest friends one could wish for... But I'm rambling, getting off topic. Actually I haven't even started thinking about it. You see, at the moment I'm at the school's library, yet I can't stay here forever. They are going to look for me here soon. I also have to go back to my dorm, if I want to get some clean clothes. I need to get to my trunk.  
  
And there's the problem: We're sharing a room. I'm going to meet them sooner or later anyway. Of course, I could just sleep in the common room and leave before they come down like last night, or stay in the infirmary like the night before the last, I even could go to the... the Shrieking Shack. How ironic it is to consider going to the place I hate and despise the most for sanctuary. I sigh. Maybe an explanation is appropriate now. Alas, my dilemma started years ago. I was about six years old, when I received The Bite. A werewolf's bite, to be exact. My parents knew what that meant for me, although I didn't - at the beginning; but I learnt that fast enough. I learnt that once a month I would have to endure a painful transformation, I learnt that it would be like that for all my life, I learnt that people would hate the monster I've become, and I learnt that I'd never be able to attend Hogwarts. Well, the last one proved to be wrong, but nonetheless everything else is just as predicted.  
  
For me being able to attend the wizarding school certain precautions had to be taken. Every time the need arose - which was 'quite' periodically - I was lead to the Whomping Willow by Madam Pomfrey, the school nurse, and, after pressing a knot on its trunk, I headed into the opening of the tree and towards the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade village. Soon the house was declared to be the 'most haunted building in Britain'. The shrieks and howls the villagers heard and of which they thought to be made of some really vicious ghost were actually made by me. As a werewolf, if you don't have any humans to devour, you tend to biting yourself, crying out because of the self inflicted wounds.  
  
Of course, my monthly disappearances didn't go unnoticed by my room mates, which leads to my current crisis. After I had returned from my 'trip', I met Peter Pettigrew, my third best friend, in our dormitory leaning over a book. I immediately recognised it as 'Lycanthropy: the curse and its consequences'. Seeing the look on Pete's face, I put two and two together and immediately dashed out of the room, through the portrait whole, and out of sight. I managed to avoid my former friends for the next few days, afraid of what things they'd throw to me, if they ever caught me. And now I'm here.  
  
Eventually having made up my mind I leave the library. I will try to find shelter in the astronomy tower rather than making that journey to Hogsmeade. I prefer facing detention to going to that blasted place. Past the great hall, up the stairs, through the third corridor on the right and up another flight of stairs. The halls are dark, I can barely see where I'm going. It's at least twenty minutes later and I think I'm lost. Being a first year this is more than likely. The great castle has so many twists and turns, I doubt even the Headmaster knows every secret passage way. Behind me I can hear the sound of footsteps. It must be Filch, the caretaker. Quickly I open the door to a classroom and hide behind one of the many desks in there.  
  
The footsteps are coming closer, and there are voices, too, but it doesn't sound like Filch or any of the teachers at all. It's James, Peter and Sirius. //God, no!// Moaning inwardly I risk a peek at the door over the top of the table. Nothing. //Please, don't let them have seen me! Please don't let them have seen me!// I pray to whatever almighty power there is, while cowering even lower and shutting my eyes tightly. A click and the door is opened, closed shortly afterwards by somebody muttering a sealing charm, which is followed by a silencing spell. //Privacy guaranteed//, I think bitterly. They're walking towards my hide-out. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I know they're towering over me, but I'm not in Gryffindor for nothing. I get up and turn around facing them with a straight back and determined eyes - for three seconds. Probably not even that long. James' face is contorted in anger and Sirius looks ready to kill. Peter has started whimpering as soon as he could see me clearly and is now hiding behind Sirius. Anger I could bear; loathing, too, but fear - it wasn't possible. My stomach churned. I knew I was a monster, but it wasn't even a full moon.  
  
"Why?" James' loud but steady voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I take a step backwards. //My back against the wall and no way out.// "Why what?" I stutter. "Why didn't you tell us?" Mouth dry, my eyes seek for a way out, finding none. The question is left unanswered, as my throat tightens and I'm unable to reply. "We've got a right to know!" Sirius, who has been silent so far, cuts in.  
  
I stare into his face and can't take it anymore. Attempting to shrink further into the wall, I close my eyes again, and decide to just wait for the final blow to come. It's me who starts whimpering now. Will they just renounce me, or do something worse? "I'm sorry... I.. please, don't hurt me, please! I've never meant you any harm, I swear!" I slide down the wall, fore-head resting on my knees, and hands protectively over my head. The final blow never comes.  
  
James:  
  
I can't believe that the shivering figure in front of me is actually Remus Lupin, one of my best friends. I mean, we both - that's Sirius and me - thought that an apology was necessary. Not for what he was, but for that nice little set of lies he had told us over the year. Coming to think about it, it was stupid. If I had been in his situation, I wouldn't have acted any differently. I shift uneasily, as Reme begins to whine. Sirius catches my eye and I nod. It's time to end our friend's distress, which we should have done as soon as we found out, five days ago. I accidentally came across a book about werewolferism - Lycanthropy, or whatever it was called - while looking for something that would help me with my essay for Astronomy. The symptoms described fitted exactly, what we've observed about Remus. The monthly disappearances, the nervousness around the full moon, the sick look, everything! I took the book with me and hid it in my trunk to show it to Sirius later on. We wanted to have one more proof, though. The next full moon was just a day later. And sure enough our room-mate came up with an excuse - I believe his mother was supposed to be ill - and left on that very day. We filled Peter in, and I gave him the book to read.  
  
From what he stammering tried to tell us earlier in the week, I perceived that Remus had seen him with it, and being as bright as he was, realised that we've found out. We've tried to talk to him for days now, but he always managed to escape. Till now.  
  
I try to collect my thoughts, looking for the perfect words to ease the tension. That's the moment when our friend decides to give me a heart attack and an immensely bad conscience. "I'm sorry... I.... please, don't hurt me, please! I never meant you any harm, I swear!" Next to me, Sirius flinches and I can't blame him. I could kick myself for being such a jerk!  
  
Sirius:  
  
'What did he say?' I think. As soon as my brain digests what I've just heard I want to cry out and yell at the top of my lungs how he could be so thick to believe we'd hurt him. But I don't. It'd probably frighten him even more. Instead I cautiously take a step forward. I'm not the sentimental sort of guy, but everyone has his limits. I kneel down next to Remus and see James doing the same. We both hug our friend and I can feel his body getting stiff first, then limp... He's sobbing into my robes now, and who could think bad of him for it? I certainly don't! We went too far! We should have told him right from the beginning, but we - No! - I had to act like a git! I have insisted on receiving an apology first! And now I will make the apology!  
  
"Listen, Reme! I'm sorry! I - "  
  
"We!", James interrupts me, ":We: are sorry! We :never: thought you wanted to harm us or anything! We're sorry, and we want to stay your friends no matter what! That's, if you can forgive us for being such horrible gits?"  
  
Remus shifts and stares James in the eye. He looks disbelieving, even fearful. Suddenly he realises how close we are and struggles to get away, but we won't let him. It's egoistic but we both need reassurance first. He stops, then takes a few deep breaths. I can hear his heart beating furiously, though it could be mine, too. "You really want to stay friends with me?", he finally cracks out and I flash my most charming smile at him. "Of course!"  
  
Peter:  
  
Remus is nervous. Probably as nervous as I, maybe worse. I've never seen him this distraught. I mean, he's always the calm one. It makes me queasy when he's not. That always means that something's wrong. Okay, him being a - a werewolf definitely qualifies as 'something wrong' but it makes me - nervous, kinda very nervous. Ugh, no wonder everyone thinks I'm stupid. I can't even form a coherent sentence in my head.  
  
But about Remus, he's been standing facing us for what seems like an hour to me, being as cool as ever, straight back, confidence incarnate. My first thought is that he's angry with me. He probably thinks I found out and told everyone else. I mean, he saw :me: reading the book after all. An angry Remus Lupin is something I don't want to face. My sub-conscience is faster than me, though: I'm already hiding behind Sirius... really, what kind of Gryffindor am I?  
  
James is talking to him. That's good because he's always managed to calm Sirius down. And anyone who can hold back Sirius Black is damn good at calm people. Plus, James father is a member of the diplomatic corps, so he's gotta know something about that stuff. Diplomacy. Then on the other hand my dad was a Mediwizard and I have no idea about that. But then, I've never tried....  
  
God, how can someone be so dumb?! Sorry, Remus but you're an idiot. 'You really want to stay friends with me?'- Honestly!  
  
Sirius is hugging him, giving reassurances. I actually want to take a broomstick and hit him over the head with it.  
  
"Peter?" They're staring at me waiting for something. Oops, I notice, I'm scowling. I will the glare away from my face. I can't quite keep it from them however. "Of course," I say and punch Remus' shoulder. "Stupid prick!"  
  
~ End ~  
  
Answers to reviews:  
  
CatalinaRose: Thank you! The quote is by Kurt Tucholsky, German writer.  
  
Indus: Thank you! The thing about "Harald (Harry) being the leader of an army" was true though *does a little dance*, see OoP  
  
Remus Lover: Your and Kazaera's review was the one that made me rewrite this fic. I changed Peter's part a lot as you can see. Thank you for reviewing.  
  
Kazaera: I took to heart what you and Remus Lover said and changed this fic. I hope it's better now. Thank you.  
  
Esperanza Fuega: thanks, say when will you write HP fiction again? 


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